Ok in my first blog I asked some fundamental questions about the act of blogging. Overall I gained little insight and got few answers. In-fact my questions were met with yet more questions. One question in particular has been killing me all week, but I’ll come back to that later. The point is, is that I sat on front of my computer screen for little over an hour, and instead of listening to the latest legally uploaded tunes of Basement Jaxx on Myspace, or watching the legally uploaded videos of Bo’ Selecta on You Tube, I for once in my life, gave something back to the internet. Basically I began something. I finished it and the winner was me and (of course) the internet.
No sooner had I finished my first blog I was thinking about the second one. Well I’ll be honest I was thinking about the second one half way through the first. Anyway the important thing was that I was thinking about doing stuff, or (to put in another way), I was thinking about getting things done. And I was wondering to myself, once a blog had been started where does it finish? Where does it all end? What’s the goal? and what do I get out if it? Then a strong thought occurred to me (the killer question). If I had finished all of the things I had started in my life where would I be today? And just like flicking through the Argos catalogue a ton of images ran through my mind. A film director, a celeb chef, a TV personality, a well paid rich person, an academic in a tweed jacket, a free trade coffee drinker, a convicted arsonist, a father, a father of a good few kids by a couple of different women, or even the guy displaying cordless hammer drill in the Argos catalogue. Sure… some were good, some not so good. But now blogging was the last thing on my mind, as I was cursing my low attention span and lamenting over all of those lost opportunities.
Why didn’t I listen to that maths teacher back in 1993 when he was talking about some damn thing called the World Wide Web? Surely if I could have listened to the poor man for ten minutes, instead of grafitting my name on the desk with a compass I could have invented a Google / Napster type of thing and be a dot com billionaire by now. On the other hand I was counting my blessings. In particular discontinuing flying lessons a week before a plane in the flight school dropped out of the sky. And then out of the blue, like a cheesy conversation between Oprah and Dr Phil the line came to me. Is life about the journey or the destination? At the time I almost made myself puke, but finally the truth settled in.
So as I strive to bring this blog to some kind of conclusion you can gather I have drawn absolutely no definitive answers on any of the questions I have raised. And I guess that’s okay. It’s okay not to know the answers, it’s okay to do half assed job of something and if a job is worth doing it’s worth doing badly. And like the Quote of the Day on my Google desktop said this morning; “Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” With this new slant on life my worst fuck-ups seem like my greatest achievements. I like this.
I’ll continue to write blogs. Why? Certainly not for the fame, money or the prestige (27 hits last week), but because it feels good to give something and expect nothing in return. Now there’s a paradox. It might be the theme of my next post.